First, because otherwise this will get tossed aside and never posted, "Astro Boy" was a sweet and pretty movie and I'd watch it again. So see it at least once if you're into that sort of thing.

Welcome to the post-birthday recap. hopped a train and we spent three days drunk on our homebrew of super special awesome fangirlness.

Transformers and Twilight

So, I sat Neoyi down and introduced her to the world of "Transformers Animated" with three key episodes: "Thrill of the Hunt", "Along Came a Spider", and "Autoboot Camp". I don't think it was love at first viewing, but Neo said she wouldn't mind seeing more, so the fandom can consider this an achievement.

Next, sporks in hand and cynicism on high, we watched "Twilight". Three minutes into the movie (after speculating what Bella might do with that cactus she was intently cradling), we were introduced to a dark-skinned, almond-eyed stud with luscious fluffy hair to rival Chase Young... and were informed that his name is Jacob Black.

Ladies (mostly ladies) and gentlemen, I am on Team Jacob.

This movie wouldn't have been half as bad as it is if Jacob were in more than three scenes tops and I could have stared at his hair to distract me from the mountains of shimmering guano, but instead we- to gentle and ever suffering audience- were wrongfully anticipated to want to stare lustfully at Edward Cullen. After seeing Edward Cullen, I want to know why the fuck anyone would want in his pants. In the movie, he looked like a strung-out, poorly recovering coke addict. He didn't walk so much as lurched and he looked like the creepy high school sociopath that lives in his blithely oblivious mother's basement masturbating furiously to emo music videos on YouTube. The only thing missing is that he doesn't look like he needs a shower. He's exactly the kind of guy that makes you reach for the pepper spray. More than not attractive, he's repulsive. I mean, shit, I expected Crystal Vampire Sexy Jesus. I expected him to just act like a creep but look like a model, not something that crawled out of the dark behind the shed and you wish you could unsee him because he'll be showing up in your vague nightmares of getting mugged in a dirty alleyway.

But the instant Bella sees him, she's suddenly breathing heavily and erratically, suggestively licking her lips, and rocking in her seat in an earnest attempt to take care of her female hard-on with the seam of her jeans. As off-putting as I found Edward, as unbelievable as I found anyone sane would think him striking or interesting, the movie absolutely sold me on believing Bella wanted nothing more than to find him and her somewhere alone and pantless. Bella and Edward are perfect for each other- the movie showed them to be two sickly pale, stuttering, socially awkward losers who really don't deserve any better. By God, you could feel the frantic, sexual tension crackling between them and several times Neoyi and I were shouting at them to just get it on because they- Bella especially- constantly seemed to be two seconds away from jumping each other. It was quite clearly what they wanted and the sheer force of their mutual lust might have made it kind of hot. "Twilight" felt like one long, strained set up for a porno that never actually delivers.

Otherwise, the movie is an exercise in stupidity. The sparkle effect on Edward's skin is one of the most hilarious things you'll ever see in cinema, Bella twitches and stutters so much that when- at the end- she actually starts spasming as if she's having a seizure when Edward says they can't be together (a declaration that doesn't last any longer than that scene as next we see them at prom together) it's just narmy, and what is actually the conflict here? The villain of the film gets introduced in the last thirty minutes, the problem of Edward finding Bella's blood irresistible is mentioned and dwelt upon so little it's forgettable, and while Edward hints that being a vampire isn't actually all sparkles and rainbows, damned if I can tell why! Honestly, the only logical reason the two aren't jumping each other's bones and Bella isn't a vampire within the first hour is that the studio needs to crap out three more movies, just as Stephanie Meyer wanted to vomit forth three more novels.

You know what? It's not actually depressing that fourteen-year-old girls are gobbling this up. They'd be gobbling up fiction of the same theme and caliber without "Twilight", they'd just be doing it on the Internet and posting their own crappy romantic fiction. It's depressing that a middle-aged woman wrote this, that this is her fantasy. Yes, this is the kind of shit you dream up in your tween to teens: you're perfect and loved and your life is so hard except it really isn't and here's the magical handsome hero to protect you and show you with devotion, you lovely little snowflake. But as you grow and mature, your conception of the ideal romance is supposed to grow and mature with you. I'll argue that "Twilight" is a tragedy- that of its author, whose brain is stuck in some freaky-deaky Neverland she should have escaped decades ago.

That said, I'm not going to criticize the fourteen-year-old girls anymore for being fourteen-year-old girls. I obviously write and indulge in my own warped fantasies- and a lot of you read them, too- so how in essence am I that much different?

Also, I am SO on Team Jacob.

New York City

I've just realized the majority of my birthday post is going to be about "Twilight". That's probably sad, but I had a fun ranting and that's what counts.

Huge thank you to again for my digital camera, memory card, and rechargeable batteries I absolutely burned through taking pictures of buildings, trees, and that damn chandelier at the Disney Store. I had too much fun with it, especially discovering that the zoom is insanely awesome enough to get me clear shots of things through the window on the other side of the tour bus.

Honest to God, the most fun in NYC was watching Neoyi geek out constantly. She thanks me in her journal for being patient with her, but I was having a grand old time watching her run around her personal nirvana: a.k.a. Nintendo World. Apparently- as she knew and I didn't- Super Mario Brothers for the Wii was slated to be released November 15th. What we discovered was that on November 14th- my birthday and the day we were in the city- Nintendo World was having a special event to celebrate and you could buy the game there a day early. Which is exactly what she did because we went back there later in the day, she being the nerd and I being the nerd groupie.

What else? In addition to hitting up typical landmarks like Trump Tower, Rockerfeller Center, and- of course- Times Square, we went to the Disney Store, CN's little gallery in Columbus Circle, Toys 'R Us, and Midtown Comics. I bought a copy of "Watchmen". This, in addition to volumes three and four of "Transmetropolitan", were my presents to myself. Speaking of presents, Neoyi gave me two "Haruhi Suzumiya" light novels, which is just awesome! (Someone remind me that I still have to watch Season Two.) We also walked around the typical street fair where I bought a glass seahorse pendant on a pink ribbon chain. With this, I've officially decided to adopt seahorses as a personal motif and please tell me that you all understand this joke, yes?

Tying Up the Rest

We had an awesome time, from which I'm still recovering (as of writing this, I've yet to put away the air mattress or unload the pictures from my camera), and slept on the bus. At home, we watched "Dogma". I strongly recommend this movie to anybody and everybody. It's hilarious, it pokes fun of religion (Catholicism specifically, the religion with which I was raised) while respecting it, and makes you feel good about life and having faith. If that hasn't convinced you, let me add it is by Kevin Smith and has Alan Rickman being snarky, plus Matt Damon and Ben Affleck just before they hit it big. And George Carlin is in it. And Alanis Morissette plays God. It's one of my all-time favorite movies.

The next day, because Neoyi saw it on my shelf and was curious, we watched the 2002 film of "The Count of Monte Cristo". It is not a version that is true to the book, but I don't give a damn. I like it anyway, particularly for the dialogue and relationships between the characters, although its tight weave does fall apart a bit at the end.

Now, I'm left to tidy up my room a bit, respond to a plethora of message and activity on dA, and hack away a little bit more at OS before I return to work and life scheduled as usual on Wednesday. I had a good time.